Man, I really gotta get my attitude in check over my job situation. Things have been really screwed up and chaotic lately and I haven't been handling it very well.
I have a student right now (supposed to be my bosses student, but I digress...) and because I was recently in her shoes, I know how overwhelming being a student can be never mind the "real world" crap that goes on when there is a lot of unrest in the office where you're doing your clinical. I do feel bad for her, but it basically came out that she pretty much thinks me a heinous bitch... WHOA... that'll take you aback. I'm not one of those people who thinks its OK to heap crap on the med student simply because they're a student, so I took exception to this infomation. Sad thing is, I know I've been a bitch at work lately and unfortunately, she gets to experience it. The only part of it that is even related to her is that she isn't really my student but unfortunately for us both, she's been dumped on me by a boss that can't seem to get her personal life under enough control to run her practice.
Anyway, the bigger issue is, I spent A LOT of years being a bitch to everyone and generally being mean. When I was in my 20's, I decided I really hated that about myself and made a concerted effort to change. I was successful, mostly... I am usually way more good natured than before and let things slide off my back way easier than I used to. So now, when I occasionally find myself letting my circumstances affect me this way, I worry. I fret that I will slip back into bitching and moaning and complaining about everything and eventually it will turn into a landslide of negativity and I will once again become that horrible person that I hate.
I need a break, I need some encouragement, but most of all, at this particular moment in time, I need a Xanax....
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2 comments:
Sorry, I have no Xanax. You are way in front of yoursaelf at 20 because now you know who you want to be and how to get there. Don't beat yourself up over a minor and temporary relapse. Relax, have some fun. What's Xanax? Is it like Viagra?
awareness is key and you have that next there are 2 things that will help and allow you to be gentle with yourself
1. stop, take a deep breath, resume
2. apologize if necessary
I often apologize for bad days it works wonders at smoothing things over. Hang in there, your good heart will show through
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