The Impending Doom of Manic Girl

I was a total jackass yesterday. I know, you're asking yourself... "Hmmm... how is that different from any other day?"
I think things are fine now, but upon drawing this conclusion, I realized a couple of things.
I have been anxious and feeling dreadful over the trip I am soon taking to Latvia and England. I know, this sounds incredibly stupid. I should be super excited to be going on vacation, with one of my very best friends for 3 entire weeks! Well, i figured that my recent jackassery was th product of hormones and sadness over the fact that yesterday was the 4th anniversary of my sweet little gramma's death. The combination of these things coupled with the everyday stress of things around here pushed me over the edge and I said some things I wish I hadn't. (ie. I have regret) I make it a policy to never have regret, therefore, my thoughts are usually carefully considered and my words measured, especially when it comes to a heated discussion.
I digress.... anyway, through all the self analysis, I realized that I am having some sort of body memory to the last time I visited Latvia in 2005. My gramma had been really ill and passed away while I was abroad. I think this is the core of my foreboding. I realize in my logical mind that nothing bad is likely to happen while I'm gone, but I'm having a difficult time disassociating the two events. I am also usually really on top of things. I'm not much of a procrastinator. So when I realized the I am leaving in less than 3 weeks and I have done NOTHING to prepare for my trip short of buying a plane ticket, I started to panic. Needless to say, I have worked myself in to a nervous frenzy over all of this.
Jeez... as I'm typing this, I realize how stupid and useless it all sounds, but I guess being human inately requires moments like this. I know, I know, you've come to expect the trailer park super heroine who talks trash, takes no crap and could give a shit... Where's that girl when ya need her???