So my friend asked me a reasonable question today.
"Are you angry?"
We were discussing a situation that is currently seriously affecting my life. I had to think about it. It occurs to me that I should be angry. I have every right to be angry at someone, yet I can't seem to muster it. I find that odd. I would like to write it off as my being above it and that anger is just a wasted emotion and a vulgar use of energy. I think that explanation would just be bullshit at this point. A normal girl does not go through some of the things I've been through lately and not get angry. It's not fucking normal.... and I'm worried. I fret that I have talked myself out of being emotional for so long that I truly don't know how to have a true emotion any longer. I've cut them off, they're gone.
What does this mean? Am I going to be stuck in this perpetual state of limbo because I can't have emotions, process them and move on? If I could manage to get angry then maybe I'd yell it out, cry and scream, maybe kick a wall or two. It's a nice thought, but I can't even visuallize myself doing it. I feel cold, almost non-existent.
Am I even really alive anymore?
About Me
- psychobillygirl
- Disregard the great ethical truths, it's the collective life of the herd for you. Closed society, no open door policy,collectivist, secretive ideology. Utilitarian. Sublimation of individual identities, suppression of dissidents, communal living, country club victory for him and her and she and he. -Bruce Hornsby
3 comments:
Yes! You are alive which is good news. Emotions are funny things. Best not to worry about them too much.
its funny we have been talking about this in my house too. i think when you have tragic events in our lives, you spend so much time supressing emotions just to get through the day. when they pop up now you are like "what the hell?" but you have to learn to ride it a bit. ignoring it i think is more stuffing it down.
man, we are all doing some SERIOUS meditating these days which also seems to help (without the aid of pharmaceuticals whis is ah-mazing).
luckily, I'm still under a doctor's care and I'm finding the pharmaceuticals to be A-MAZ-ING (3 words)... lol
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