I can't remember the last time I cried. Not really. A few tears escape here and there, but nothing to speak of.  Honestly, I hate crying, except for the few occasions that I really need to. Everyone knows its sometimes a necessity and can make you feel better. 
I don't even understand what this is about.  I'm generally a very content person, laid back and go with the flow.  I enjoy that about myself.  Lately, I've even been realizing how grateful I am for so many things in my life.  So this doesn't make sense. I can't come up with an explanation or reasonable excuse for the extreme depression I've been feeling on and off over the past 6 months.  I feel a little like a hypocrite because I've always believed that happiness is a choice.  I still believe that, but can't seem to manage it.  I feel as though I'm trying.  I make myself go out when I don't want to, I exercise and try to stay active, try to keep up with friends, but over that past couple of weeks these things are falling off.  Getting out of bed is dreaded every day.  I HATE THIS!  Anyone who knows me understands that I don't want to feel this way and that I try to do everything to fight it.  Ughhhh.... so much turning over and over in my head, I can't even make sense of it all. Hoped writing some of it down would help, but now I'm just more confused.  I just want to get back to myself, content, happy and living again....