clawing its way through my skin to the surface

Life can be incredibly harsh. Every time I think I have figured it out, the darkness slashes and rips through my skin and makes its way onto the surface, where it hurts the most. Every time I think I have learned to trust that things are going to work out, I am slapped atop the head again with a big, "ha, ha. I was just foolin..." from the mysterious director in this play. That's all it is really, a play, and we're all just marionette puppets with taut strings and wooden smiles. I really don't care to participate anymore. I just want to fall into the blissful wonder of restful sleep and remain there, at least until the plot changes or the director finally decides I deserve a more fulfilling role. The education doesn't help and the drugs stopped working, but I just can't swallow falling into line and becoming one more happy false prophet... so how do I banish the darkness?