I met this girl once, a couple of years ago. She was pretty cool. I grew to know her very well over time and even grew to love her. She had this really zen-like, calming quality about her, level-headed in any situation but a lot of fun, too. She was me.
I honestly never thought I'd be someone who could shine a mirror on the inside and out and be content, happy even, with what I saw. I'd never experienced it before. I miss her.
Things have been growing increasingly more difficult over the past year, one curve ball after another with barely any time to breathe between swings. I felt bitterness creeping in and knew I was losing myself again. The self-loathing started to return.
About a week ago, some decisions were made for me, decisions I thought I could never survive. The reality of it all is that they were truly a gift. The Universe, in her infinite wisdom, forced me to reclaim the really awesome woman that I was and will become again, regardless of my circumstances.
I now recall that I am strong enough to stand on my own and make the very difficult choices that I will be facing more and more each day with resolve and certainty that they are the right ones for me. It's not easy, but as cliche as it is, nothing worth having is ever easy.
I hope to start writing regularly again. I hope to smile more often and laugh out loud. I hope to leave my house more frequently, not to go to work or the grocery store, but to get out and enjoy all of the opportunities life has to offer. I hope to leave an indelible mark on someone, even if it just means making their days brighter.